Firewallender // Cassie Wallender

While I realize one cannot both be an honest person and act happy all the time, I do strive to see the silver lining around even the very dark and stormiest clouds that enter our skies.

The truth is, 2008 was my toughest year yet for personal reasons. But that also means it was a year of great opportunity to learn and to try to be a better person for it. This is not a time to get jaded, it’s a time to count the blessings and strive to find joy in what you have, even the memories of things now lost.

So in my own Pollyanna-like way, I’ve decided to list some highlights of my worst year ever. I want to look back on this year and think of these things. And if a personal blog is for anything, it’s for reminding oneself of what’s good in life. Without further ado…

Happy Highlights from the Worst Year Ever

Volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters

I have a really awesome little friend, she’s seven years old, about to be eight, and I just started hanging out with her this year. Being a part of a child’s life is a significant commitment, but it’s a blessing too - her friendship really warms my heart and she always cracks me up. We do a lot of activities together like bike riding and swimming. In motivating me to try to be a good example for her, I think maybe she’d done me more good than vice versa. :-)

She’s a bit of a ham (okay, a huge ham), and loves playing with my computer, so we made a video the other day:

I think it’s pretty easy to see how special being a Big is to me; I hope we’re always friends and someday when she’s taller than me we can celebrate 2008 as the year we met.

Becoming a Part of the Seattle Startup Community

It’s hard to imagine that is was only January 25th, 2008 when Seattle Startup Weekend was held at the Adobe headquarters just a stone’s throw from my house. That weekend was really the beginning of something much more for me though, it introduced me to so many amazing people. More than just networking, I’m happy to count them as friends, and have had such a blast spending time with them.

Startup Weekend truly was the toppling of that first domino that led to my attending so many other tech events in Seattle like Gnomedex, nPost events, MindCamp, Lunch 2.0 and Hops and Chops, and of course Startup Drinks, and making further friends and acquaintances. It’s funny this all happened this year, because it really feels like some of these people have been in my life for much longer than that. We’re like one big geeky family, and I am grateful for 2008 because of it.

Being a Best “Man”

I got to be in my best friend’s wedding. Definitely a highlight, even if I did sound shaky and nervous during the toast, it was such an honor to be in the wedding party, and spending time in Kansas City with so many friends was a blast.

Traveling my Little Heart Out

I went to the Caribbean this year! I went to Leavenworth and Hood Canal! I went to Phoenix to see Connie! It was all a blast.

Seeing Last Year’s Resolutions Through

Guys, I did it. I really quit biting my nails. Really and finally.  Other minor but happy accomplishments include doing my longest run yet, putting chains on my tires all alone, and doing a lot of helpful introspection (something I’ve never been very great at before).  This is the first year I’ve really paid attention to fitness and taking care of my body and made it a priority, and I think that’s an important milestone since it’s been a huge attitude adjustment for me. I’m pretty sure I can do just about anything I set my mind to now. Watch out, 2009!  You’re going to be the best year ever.

A Few Goals for 2009 (trite, but good):
Spend more quality time with close friends & my family
Work on being more focused and efficient with time
Continue to deepen healthy eating habits started in ‘08

A Few Goals for 2009 (less trite and also good):
Visit people in Washington, D.C., St. Paul, & Phoenix
Run another 5k or two at least, stay on fitness targets
Jump off that abandoned part of the 520 bridge
Sneak into that members-only goth club just for fun
Try seeing the opera once more before you give up entirely
More dancing, canoeing, hiking and climbing this year
Read “Atlas Shrugged” by March 18th

[I have an idea for a direction I'd like to take for a bit with my blog. A mini-series of posts, if you will, about my goals. Please excuse the lack of editing, this was "thumbed" out on my iPhone on a flight from Seattle to Chicago to Miami.]

Right now, I’m flying above the earth, pleasantly situated among friends, on the sunny side of the plane, and at a window seat. And while it’s true that half the journey is the getting there, we’re all looking forward to the destination. Direction is key. For all the times I’ve flown, all the times I’ve sat through an airline employee explaining to full grown adults how to buckle a seat belt, not once have I flown the friendly skies purely for the experience of it - a certain destination is always in mind.

Life is the same way. Without goals, we become lost in getting by and making do, and if those come easily any leftover energy is poured into keeping oneself entertained from day to day. Entertainment, while a legitimate respite from work, once moved into real excess dissovles into the doldrums of selfishness, boredom, and a total lack of accomplishment.

The cure for floating along sans meaning is a bit of reflection: you only have one life, what do you want to do with it? What do you want to be? How can you get there? When can you start? Goals drive us to challenge ourselves to accomplish more than just merely making ends meet or feeling happy in the moment - they bring us longterm joy through the satisfaction of real value wrought from this life.

Consider how quickly a year full of Saturdays slip through our fingers. It’s hard to recognize the scarcity of life because, as they say, one is immortal right up until they die. I heard the story of a man who calculated at age 25 that he would likely live until 75, leaving him 50 years left to enjoy, or 2,600 Saturday afternoons. To remind himself of how precious each moment was, he filled a jar with a marble for each Saturday he had left, and every Saturday he would remove one, a reminder that a Saturday once spent is gone forever. This physical representation of the hourglass of life struck a chord with me - how short life really is! How precious each Saturday!

With the Saturdays of my life on the decline (and really, whose aren’t?), I relize how much I’ve yet to accomplish. How much I want to accomplish. I despertly want to look back at a life well lived once I’m old and have things to be proud of, not just be able to say I fought off starvation and boredom for a century or less.

Recognizing you can’t go anywhere without stepping out in a specific direction, I’m setting some goals. Recognizing you can’t go everywhere, I’m keeping the list simple. Recognizing there will be conflicts, I’m prioritizing. I can’t try to do everything, but I can try to make sure those things I do really matter.

[To Be Continued...]